Dołączył: 11 Kwi 2011
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|Wysłany: Sob 5:53, 14 Maj 2011 Temat postu: gucci hobo tote How To Release The Pain Caused By
about overcoming the pain caused by someone you loved and trusted?
What happens when you've been wronged by another and you want to move on? How do you let it go - get on with your life - and make sure it doesn't happen again?
The short answer is that you forgive yourself for attracting them into your life - so you don't have to continue to carry the burden around and so that you don't repeat the same experience with another person.
You forgive yourself for ALLOWING it to happen - not for causing it to happen.
Right now you may be in some sort of a mental prison. There may be a lot of resentment and other similar feelings. And what you're feeling now - the bitterness, the resentment, the anger, the hurt; WILL influence your future relationships.
Bitterness only leads to more bitterness. Hurt leads to more hurt.
Forgiveness is a way to clear out those old feelings from the past so you will be better able to believe in yourself and trust yourself. Not to mention you'll be wiser and more perceptive.
But are you responsible for what they did?
No, absolutely not. You don't forgive yourself to make them 'not guilty'. You created your reality and they created theirs.
And the realities overlapped.
A cheater is basically that way before you meet them.
A betrayer is a betrayer before they come into your life.
The question is - why did I attract someone like this into my life?
Of course you didn't KNOW they would cheat or betray you when you first met them. But then, maybe there were little hints and clues you ignored. I don't know.
The point is [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you CHOSE to allow them into your life. You allowed it to happen.
That 'allowing' is your responsibility; something you can forgive yourself for.
The value of forgiving yourself is -
first of all, it's empowering to accept responsibility for YOUR contribution. Yes, I understand you were wronged. They engaged in hurtful behavior that was unjustified.
By forgiving yourself, you don't say their behavior was acceptable. On some level, they must 'pay' for what they did. But that's not your business. (I understand many try to make it their business!)
But you would be much more productive by dealing with YOUR contribution to these events. And not worrying about their contribution.
"They'll get theirs."
But look at the damage it does to YOU by not forgiving yourself.
Maybe you don't believe in yourself anymore.
Maybe you don't trust yourself to make good decisions.
Maybe your self-confidence is lacking.
Maybe you're carrying around a ton of pain.
And I would guess many other problems as well have come up because you've been wronged.
Forgiving yourself can heal the damage they caused.
Also [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you don't let someone 'off the hook' by forgiving yourself for what they did.
YOU LET *YOU* OFF THE HOOK BY FORGIVING YOURSELF.
Sorry to shout [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but I want to make that point clear. By forgiving yourself, you empower yourself. You free yourself from your own private prison of pain.
Forgiveness is a strength; it empowers you.
By not forgiving yourself, you are not honoring or respecting yourself. You're saying you don't matter.
Forgiveness creates freedom. Forgiveness is liberating. Forgiveness is a positive, pro-active decision. It's a deliberate choice from a position of power and responsibility.
It's an act of character and integrity. It takes courage. I admit it's not easy to be kicked by someone and then forgive YOURSELF for being kicked. Because, "It's not me - I didn't do this! It's THEM!! They're the bad ones!"
But finding your own contribution to being kicked is like finding a foothold to greater power and greater strength. You will become 'more' if you f
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