Jordan V.2 Grown Shoes Love and the Caring Habits

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Encouraging is next. I have been asked, what is the difference between encouraging and nagging? Well, there’s actually a big difference. When you encourage someone, you are encouraging him or her to do something he or she wants to do. When you nag, you are encouraging someone to do what you want him o
Trusting is the next habit. Many of us come into relationships with baggage from previous ones, possibly making it difficult for us to trust. Many say trust is earned and I believe if you have made a decision to be in a relationship, then you must also make the decision to trust, until you receive information to the contrary. Trust is a true gift in a relationship and it costs nothing. You really aren’t putting your trust in your partner as much as you are trusting yourself to make good decisions. If you’ve exercised poor judgment in the past,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], instead of using that as an excuse not to trust, begin to think of it as a situation that helped you developed more discriminating instincts. When you learn to trust yourself first, it becomes easier to trust others.
Listening is the first one because I think it is a great place to start. You may already think you listen and perhaps you do but the level of listening I am speaking of relates to not just hearing your partner, but truly trying to understand where he or she is coming from. You are listening for understanding. You want to know how it is they see things the way they do. You may not agree with their perception but you want to try to at least understand it from where they come from, in their shoes and in their skin.
Supporting is the next caring habit and simply refers to standing by your partner, lending your support whenever needed. I once worked with a couple who had vastly different vocational interests―he was a mechanic and she was a web designer. The husband prioritized providing for his family. In the winter heated his home with a wood stove, for which he chopped and stacked the wood himself. The wife was very much into creativity and was proud of the websites she designed for a wide variety of businesses. She would often call him to the computer to see what she had done and he would respond with a very disinterested, “That’s nice, dear.” He, in turn, would call her to their basement to see the great woodpile he had stacked, and she would be annoyed to have to go downstairs to look at a bunch of wood. Neither were supporting the other. When you are supportive you recognize your partner’s accomplishments and support him or her when things are challenging.
If you haven’t read my article on the Deadly Relationship Habits then you may want to do so by clicking on the link. This article tells you what to do in your relationships to replace the destructive habits with more healthy ones. Dr. William Glasser in his book, Getting Together and Staying Together, writes about the Caring Relationship Habits of listening, trusting, supporting, encouraging, respecting, accepting and negotiating differences. These are not as simple as they sound. This month we will look at the first four and I will follow up in December with the final three.
If your partner betrays your trust, then put your trust in your higher power and know that you will survive and actually be stronger for the experience. You have learned a vital piece of information. Now, you will have decisions to make about your relationship. Not all relationships end when trust has been breeched. Some have been able to overcome infidelity and have found their way back to trusting each other. These will be decisions you will need to make if and when your trust is violated but don’t let someone else’s lack of integrity,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], define you. Your partner is only human and will make mistakes. Infidelity may be one of them. Don’t let that mistake make you feel as if you are somehow less than―as if you’re not good enough or are a fool for trusting. Trusting your partner is the way to a healthy, satisfying relationship.